If I Found the Right Words to Say
by Helike
Summary: There are things kept in secret for so long that sometimes it is hard to say them. Naruto has his own secrets and so does Itachi. Full summary inside. ItaNaru eventually. AU. K plus for now, rated T for safety.
1. Ch 1: Stepping over lines

Basically, it was supposed to be another part of _The Fox and the Weasel_, but somehow in the middle of the writing process it appeared that there was no way to finish it as a one-shot. (Not to mention that the both boys went on strike D: Heh... No ramen and dango for them!) So here is my first REAL multi-chaptered story for you. For a while I have a detailed plan for two more chapters. Hopefully, you'll enjoy the story :)

**Notes:** It's going to ItaNaru eventually, so don't read it if you don't like yaoi/shounen-ai. AU (very AU). I'll keep the rating no higher than PG-13, for now it's even PG.

**Genre:** Adventure/General also Crime maybe and a bit of Romance :P (I can't believe I wrote the last word...)

**Summary:** When Sasuke gets hurt in a car accident, Itachi appears in the town. The fact is quickly discovered by Naruto, who finds Itachi. Secret motives, secret connections, secret organizations and the tragic past. Is what happened to Sasuke just an accident or a prelude to another tragedy? In short: a story about secrets kept and about how hard it's to say some words sometimes.

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR - READ BEFORE READING THE STORY AND DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT LATER: **If you click at this story thinking that you'll find smut/rapidly developing not-so-romantic relationship here, maybe you should look for something else now, before it's too late. In this story their relationship will be built slowly, as they both have to kind of "grow up" to it. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that's not my writing style.

**I do not own Naruto.** We all know to whom it belongs.

**Recommended listening:** "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol

* * *

**IF I FOUND THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY**

**Chapter 1**

_Stepping over lines_

* * *

He stands in the hospital corridor, with his hand pressed to the glass behind which he can see a young, dark-haired man lying in a hospital bed. The man's eyes are closed and his skin is even paler than usual, making him look like someone who belongs to the world of ghosts rather then to this of living human beings. For some reason this view – the unconscious man surrounded by all this medical equipment – causes a sudden attack of pain, which shoots trough his chest and disappears after a short while only to come back a few seconds later.

"Foolish little brother..." Itachi whispers, one more time glancing at Sasuke's face, which colour doesn't differ that much from the colour of sheets covering his inert body, and turns away.

"You do know how to get yourself into trouble, don't you?" He keeps addressing the words to his brother, although he knows that the boy – for him Sasuke will always remain "a boy"– can't hear him, and even if he could, he would never answer.

He walks away, leaving the room and his brother behind. There is no emotion on his face – only his eyes narrow slightly, for a short while flashing with anger, and his fists clench involuntarily. Slowly, he paces down the hospital corridor and further, towards the entrance door, and leaves the building, unnoticed by anyone.

* * *

Naruto looks at the hospital corridor, wondering how many times he's seen this place so far. Too many, he decides finally, not being able to count how many friends and acquaintances he has visited here and how many of them he won't see again. These depressive thoughts bring a barely noticeable grimace to his face, yet the expression is quickly replaced by determination when his eyes move to _that _door. The door of the room he has just left and in which Sasuke has been lying.

"Who could expect it all would end in this way?" He wonders for a while.

Obviously, no one would ever claim that being a policeman is the safest job in the world, yet Sasuke has been one of the best in this little world they both entered after graduating from the Academy. No one ever got him when he worked on catching all these small and not-so-small gangs, and even the Snake himself didn't manage to get his revenge on him, but now... Naruto finds it ironic that in some crazy way the Invincible Uchiha, as he's been called, managed to get himself into something as ordinary as... a car accident.

His determination is soon replaced by worry when once again he tries to focus his mind on the situation. All of sudden he feels terribly tired, as he hasn't slept much since he received the information about Sasuke having been taken to the hospital. Instead, trying to fight back his anxiety and worry about his best friend, he's been spending long hours at work, looking for the man that almost killed both, Sasuke and some little girl that the Uchiha tried to save. Yet to Naruto's utter disappointment he has found almost nothing despite all that time spent on collecting and analyzing information. This simple truth makes him sigh with resignation and shake his head.

"It could have been just a coincidence... It must have been," he mumbles, trying to convince himself that the statement is true, and quickly pushes away the thought and its implications.

He rubs his forehead, after a while moving the fingers slightly in order to massage the temples. Then he slowly walks down the corridor, looking for a nurse or a doctor – doesn't really matter who it will be as long as the person can tell him anything about Sasuke.

Suddenly he notices a young, dark-haired girl, undoubtedly being a part of the hospital staff, and quickly he walks in her direction, forgetting about tiredness he felt not so long time ago.

"Excuse me..." He smiles at her with one of these smiles that can be easily called his trademark. "My friend was brought here yesterday and I was wondering if I could find out something more about his condition. He's in the room 54B."

The girl glances at him and smiles back shyly. '"Um... are you from his family...? We... we can't give the information to everyone," she asks, her voice somewhat trembling as she speaks.

"Uh... What?" Naruto blinks surprised by the question, although he shouldn't be – they always ask the question after all. "Actually it's not like he has any family left..."

He frowns at the statement. Well... technically it is true, because Sasuke has no family except for his older brother, but Itachi... Involuntarily he clenches his fists, because he knows that the older Uchiha, the only other Uchiha left, has been dead to Sasuke since _that day_. Besides, it's not like Itachi could appear here as well... For some reason the thought makes him feel sad.

"I'm... a substitute of his family." He adds after a short while, for some reason feeling obliged to explain himself, and grins at the girl, making her flush.

"Um... sorry," she answers. Her cheeks are still pinkish and she avoids looking at him. "I... I... think I'd better bring somebody else here." She goes away, almost runs, before he can say anything.

He looks in the direction in which she has disappeared, feeling somewhat stupefied. "Strange girl," he murmurs scratching his head, but the thought is quickly forgotten as once again he focuses his mind on his best friend. For a short while he wonders if he shouldn't have told that he IS from the family after all, because that's what Sasuke would say. One more sigh escapes him when he realizes that there is no point in crying over spilt milk, what happened, well... happened and it can't be changed, so he decides to wait patiently. It's not that he is in hurry anyway.

Within a few minutes the girl is back with a blond-haired woman whose age is impossible to determine. For some reason the woman looks familiar and Naruto can't stop thinking that he must have met her before, but quickly he decides that there is no point in pondering on the thought anymore, as he probably saw the woman in the hospital, during one of his previous visits. Besides, who would actually care about it at the moment, taking into consideration the situation? Not Naruto and not now – be sure of it.

"That's _the problem_, I assume..." the woman says, crossing her arms against her chest and for some unknown reason under her intent look Naruto's cheeks tint with a pale shade of red and he gets a strange feeling that said problem is supposed to be him. He couldn't explain why, but when he sees her stand there and look at him in this way, he almost feels like a little boy caught red-handed during some tricks he has played.

"Well, kid," the woman's voice sounds somewhat sharp when she speaks, "what would you like to know?"

Fighting back the unpleasant feeling and trying to regain his composure, he frowns and gives the woman a challenging look, which makes the woman cock her eyebrow.

"Everything I can," he finally says, trying to keep his face serious.

The woman eyes him thoughtfully and briefly explains the situation, assuring him that the Uchiha will be fine. "Maybe not so soon," she claims, 'but he'll definitely be fine."

Focused on her explanations, Naruto fails to notice a shadow of a smile that curves her lips when she notices that the nurse is watching him and that Naruto, being lost in his thoughts, seems to be oblivious to the fact.

Having said everything that Naruto wanted to hear, she turns back and walks away, taking the nurse with her, whereas Naruto stays in the corridor, slowly making his way toward the room he left just a few minutes ago.

Despite the doctor's explanations he feels... concerned. He bites his lips, thinking deeply about the situation and trying to make a decision. The right decision – that's it. There is one more person that should be informed about what happened to Sasuke, but... Naruto bites his lips again, still hesitating.

He takes out his cell phone and looks at it, still debating with himself if he should make this call or not. His fingers move over the little keyboard and their tips brush gently the keys as if trying to dial a number he knows too well.

Finally he sighs with resignation and looks away, still trying to pluck up his courage, because he's not sure what will happen when he hears the voice, _this voice_, answering his call and what exactly he should say, and...

Suddenly, he catches a glimpse of a dark-haired man who's just disappearing behind the corner of the corridor and his heart stops for a while and then it leaps in his chest. For a few seconds he stands still, feeling somewhat dumbfounded and still holding the cell phone, now completely forgotten, in his hand. It takes some time before he regains his ability to move and then he walks quickly, almost runs, to the end of the corridor, ignoring disapproving looks given him by people he passes.

When he gets to the place, the man is gone. He looks around, but the man is not there, and that's when the realization comes.

Why did he actually run after the man? It could have been just a mere member of the hospital staff, but... Naruto frowns and bites his lips again. There was something familiar about that man... Something familiar in the way he moved and in the line of his shoulders and...

_Could it be...?_

The sudden thought strikes him, immediately bringing an unexpectedly serious expression to his face. He looks back at the door of Sasuke's room before he finally makes the decision.

"Sorry, Sasuke," he mumbles, putting the cell phone back in the pocket of his jacket. "I'm afraid there's something more important I should take care of at the moment."

_If it was him..._

Hurriedly he walks down the corridor, focusing his mind and thoughts on the man he thinks he saw. He passes the reception behind which the previously met nurse is sitting, and automatically responds to a shy smile she gives him, but he doesn't really notice that her smile is quickly replaced by some other feeling, hard to describe and almost unnoticeable. The girl watches him for a short while and then her smile is back when she turns to talk to some other nurse.

He exits the building and looks around, but obviously he can't see the man. It takes just a few steps to leave that peaceful enclave of calmness surrounding the hospital behind and to sink in the sea of people passing the hospital every minute.

It's then that he realizes that he actually doesn't know what he should do now. There is a short moment when he thinks that it all must have been just his imagination, the effect of his tiredness and the pressure he was under, but... there is that silent voice in his head that whispers it was not.

_Where...?_

He closes his eyes for a few seconds, trying to remember everything he knows about the man and to think where he could go. After a short while he starts to move, feeling that he _knows_ where to find him. He couldn't explain why he chooses this particular direction – the park situated nearby and the river behind it – there is no logic in this decision. It's as if something – or someone – told him where to go.

It takes him only a few minutes to get to the river and when he finally is there, he's not surprised seeing the dark-haired man he's been looking for standing before a low wall marking the edge of the river bank. The man's hands are resting at it and he is somewhat tensed, at least that's what Naruto thinks. He looks tired, and, for the first time since Naruto met him, there is that strange aura around him – something that immediately makes Naruto think about loneliness which the other man must feel at the moment.

The thought is like a stab through his heart and for a short while he wishes he could do something; something... simple, like patting the other man's arm and telling him that the things will work out, but he can't, at least not when it's HIM. There are no words and no deeds that would work in his case. That's why Naruto just stands and looks at him, wondering if it is good or not that the man seen in the hospital didn't appear to be a creation of his imagination, but that he really is here.

"Uchiha... Itachi..." Naruto whispers and his eyes are focused on the man.

* * *

"So you've come... I thought I saw you in the hospital."

He hasn't been aware of Naruto's presence until he hears his voice behind his back. Maybe in some other circumstances he should be worried – no, he would be worried – that he let himself to be so... unprepared and let his guard down, but not today and not when the Uzumaki is involved.

"How did you find me here?" Itachi asks. He wouldn't really admit that despite himself he feels rather curious. Not that the answer actually matters, but it would be good to know it; good to hear Naruto explain it.

He doesn't turn to the newcomer, but stands still, with his hands still resting on the wall, focusing on silver waters of the river and letting the patterns drawn by sunbeams on the water surface mesmerize him.

"I thought you'd be here," Naruto answers as if the words were to explain everything and although Itachi can't see him, because Naruto is still standing behind his back, he could bet that the man has just shrugged. But he hasn't grinned this time, the Uchiha quickly notices, as his voice sounds different.

Itachi closes his eyes, for a short while letting himself get lost in his thoughts. That's right, he shouldn't be surprised – after all he of all people should know that the Uzumaki would always find him, no matter if Itachi wanted it or not. He almost smiles remembering the day when Naruto appeared in front of him for the first time, with a somewhat strange demand – at least strange if taking into consideration the circumstances – regarding his little brother. _Foolish brother._ How Naruto managed to find him back then has remained a mystery to this day.

_A mystery not greater than Naruto himself._

He rather senses than actually hears Naruto move. The Uzumaki stops by his side, so close to him that if Itachi moved his hand just a few centimetres, it would meet Naruto's hand resting on the wall now. For a short while it seems to Itachi that his unexpected companion is simply waiting for something, but in the end none of them makes any move.

Naruto's presence puts Itachi at ease. He's never really understood it, but that's how it has always worked. Within seconds, not saying any words, that blond-haired man has always been able to make him relax and forget about all worries – one of these few things he can hardly ever allow himself. It is as if some magic worked here, he decides finally, and despite himself he smiles gently at the thought. It still is amusing for him to see how Naruto makes him think about things he usually doesn't.

He glances at Naruto hands resting so close to his and ponders about things that happened years ago, changing his life forever, and these that never have. Long time ago, when he was a completely different person, would he reach for that hand, looking for some comfort, something that would ease the pain? That's something that even Itachi can't say.

For a longer while they stay still, by each other's side, not saying any words and not looking at each other. The silence is interrupted only by a soft rustle of the leaves moved by the fresh breeze from the river. Once or twice some person passes them, but their presence doesn't draw attention of any passer-by.

For many this almost absolute silence could be uncomfortable, but Itachi doesn't mind it at all. He turns his head slightly and watches Naruto. His hair, ruffled by gentle gusts of the breeze, is even more messy than usual and his tanned skin seems to be paler. Dark shadows under his eyes reveal that Naruto didn't sleep much that night. It's strange for Itachi to see the Uzumaki being so... toned down – if it is the right word – as usually he bursts with energy. But now he's almost like a statue, just standing there and not moving, with his eyes closed and the face turned to the sun. With surprise Itachi realizes that he didn't even know that Naruto can behave in this way, as to him the younger man has always been a synonym of energy.

_We learn something new every day..._

The thought pops up in his mind and disappears, replaced by a sudden twinge of guilt when he realizes how tired Naruto must feel. The feeling itself makes no sense, because it's not Itachi that is the cause of the tiredness, but Itachi has already learnt that not everything that is related to Naruto must be completely logical and rational. However, this particular feeling causes rather disturbing thoughts which he quickly pushes away, not being able to think of their possible implications. At least not now.

As if sensing that he has become the object of Itachi's pondering, Naruto opens his eyes, takes a quick look at the river and then smiles gently, turning to Itachi.

"I'll never understand what you see in water." Naruto shakes his head, still smiling.

The Uchiha just gives him a _look_ and doesn't answer. It's not a question after all and in fact even he could not explain it, although in some way he _knows_ the reason. Besides, Naruto doesn't insist on getting the explanation and he never has.

"Always one step ahead of me..." Naruto smiles glancing at him, but Itachi doesn't really like this smile, because it's sad and weary, and doesn't touch his eyes at all. The eyes which shine with determination and some other feeling that Itachi can't recognize. "How did you find out?"

For a short while Itachi ponders on the answer.

"I have my own sources," he replies finally with the usual emotionless expression on his face.

"Sources..." Naruto narrows his eyes and snorts in the reply, his voice almost impossible to hear. "To think I was about to give you a call..."

Itachi frowns hearing the words. Even to him it's a surprise, because last time they saw each other, Naruto got so angry with him that he actually told him to go to hell and then he went away, vowing never to contact Itachi again. In any way.

When he glances at Naruto, Naruto looks away, mumbling something under his breath so quietly that Itachi can't hear the words.

"And... when... are you going back... to that place?"

There is some hesitance in Naruto's voice, which reason is unknown to him and which makes him look at the man intently, but Naruto still doesn't look at Itachi, deciding to gaze at the river instead.

"Today. Late in the evening," the Uchiha answers finally.

"And what are you going to do until then?" Naruto asks quietly. "Just hang around for all this time?"

Itachi can hear irony in his words, but he doesn't answer, because that's more less what he planned to do. It seems to him that Naruto knows the answer anyway.

"You can't be serious..." Naruto tries to keep appearances of calmness, but his fingers clutch tightly on the edge of the wall. "You can't be... I won't allow it, damn it!"

He turns to Itachi and for a short while his eyes flash with anger. This sudden outburst of emotion surprises Itachi, and maybe even Naruto is somewhat taken aback by his own behaviour, judging by how lost he seems to be for a moment, before he fixes his eyes on Itachi.

"You're going with me," Naruto says finally, with a serious expression on his face and a glint of determination in his eyes.

For the first time in his life Itachi finds himself in the situation that he is not sure how to react to. He's caught by the look of these blue eyes, unable to move. Unable to refuse the demand and to walk away.

* * *

**TBC**

:is shot: The characters behave like themselves and not like themselves at the same time. I'm afraid you'll have to deal with it, as it's AU :P Also... There IS a reason for the nurse, who is Hinata obviously, to behave in this way.

**Characters' age:** I think that Itachi would be around 30 years old here (maybe a bit younger) and that would make both, Sasuke and Naruto, respectively younger.

If you liked it, please, be patient. I have a really difficult time at work at the moment and I can't spend as much time on writing as I wish I could. I promise I'll update it sooner or later.


	2. Ch 2: What feels strange and untrue

Thank you for the reviews :heart: I didn't forget about the story... I _only_ stuck with the job and some other things D: Anyway, finally I'm bringing you the second chapter. Enjoy. At least 10 more chapters are left. (Yes, the whole story has been planned out already :D)

**Note:** this chapter "survived" a few re-writings, but I'm still not fully satisfied with the way it looks like, so, please, accept it in the ways it is now .

**I do not own Naruto.**

_Italics _– thoughts or emphasis

**Note about the characters**: they're about 10 years older than their canon versions. That's what is to explain Naruto's maturity XD;

* * *

**IF I FOUND THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY**

**Chapter 2**

_What feels strange and untrue_

* * *

Itachi has said no word since they both got into Naruto's car and Naruto is somewhat glad about it. For the first time in his life he blesses the Uchiha's tendency to keep silent. Naruto doesn't really want to talk; not after what happened at the river, as his own behaviour kind of shocked him. Thus, he's not ready to talk to Itachi. _Not yet._

He glances at Itachi. The man is sitting next to him, but the Uchiha's attention is turned to what he can see through the car window. Or maybe he should rather say that Itachi's attention _seems_ to be turned there, but Naruto knows him good enough to realize that it all is just an illusion – in fact Itachi is thinking. What is the object of his ponderings Naruto could not say, though.

With a weary sigh Naruto focuses on driving, but for some unknown reason it appears to be somewhat complicated. Involuntarily, he clutches his fingers on the steering wheel, but he's not aware of the fact until he catches a glimpse of his hands and the whitened knuckles. He frowns and loosens the grip, but that strange feeling of uneasiness persists.

One more sigh escapes him when he looks around, checking where exactly they are at the moment. He's been in this part of the city a few times only, so he prefers to check everything at least twice to make sure they won't get lost. Finally, he nods to himself, satisfied with the result of his own inspection.

"We're almost there, Itachi," he announces.

The Uchiha says no word, but turns his head slightly, as if confirming that he has acknowledged Naruto's words. Naruto can almost see a dotted line – something he once saw in a comic story and immediately attributed to Itachi's usual "talkativeness" – being Itachi's answer to his words.

"As if none of them could communicate in a _normal_ way." Naruto rolls his eyes, but soon there is a shadow of a smile that appears on his face. After all these "special" communication skills are something that in some way defines the Uchihas – or at least the both brothers, because it's hard to say anything about the rest of this family, as Naruto never got the chance to meet them.

The thought quickly disappears, though, and Naruto once again focuses on what he should be doing at the moment – he looks around, trying to locate the place that Itachi told him about. Finally he finds the house he's been looking for and stops the car.

He turns to Itachi.

"Wait in the car. I'll be back in a few minutes," Itachi says and the words sound like an order in Naruto's ears.

"Pretty fine with me." Naruto waves in the response and watches how the Uchiha gets out of the car and enters the house.

To kill the time he has to spend on waiting, Naruto decides to watch the building – a small yet charming detached house with a tiny garden surrounded by a stylish fence and some flowering shrubs which he can't recognize. There is a short while when he wonders what it is like inside – he's almost sure that the rooms are neat yet cosy, because that's the feeling that the house gives – and who lives there. Or maybe rather who _exactly_ lives there, because Naruto suspects that it must be a person from the organization that Itachi belongs to. He ponders on the thought for one minute or two, but tiredness somewhat defeats him again, so he leans against the steering wheel and rests his chin on his hands.

It's then that he finally realizes that maybe staying in the car is not the best idea he could have, taking into consideration the situation. His worries and anxiety are back – as strong as they were in the hospital or maybe even stronger – and it's not so easy to push the thoughts away. Part of him would really like to relax – and sleep – but it's not an option under current circumstances, no matter how tired he feels. In some way he _knows_ that he won't be able to rest until Itachi is back to that organization, but he couldn't explain what makes him think in this way.

Some quiet voice in his head whispers that it all was too easy, that Itachi was too easily convinced to change his plans, and that it all is an illusion, a dream from which he'll soon wake. There will be no Itachi here, Sasuke will still be lying in that hospital bed, unconscious, and Naruto will burry himself under ton of papers and old reports trying to find some trace and feeling as if he was chasing the shadows and...

"Stop. It's leading to nowhere..." Naruto blinks and winces.

Having realized in what direction his thoughts have turned and how depressive they've become, he tries to forcefully push them away. "It's not a dream," he convinces himself, "and Itachi will not disappear." It won't happen, not after the promise Itachi made when they were at the river, even if said promise included forcing Naruto to bring Itachi here, to this house. It was the only condition that Itachi made, but Naruto doesn't regret agreeing to that.

The thought brings a smile to his face when he thinks about what kind of an anachronism Itachi seems to be sometimes – in the world where promises are easily made and keep being broken even easier. In this comparison Itachi is... different. It's Itachi's own rule that Itachi decided to follow long time ago, _his_ choice to keep promises made, and that's one of quite many things that make Naruto admire the man.

"Really..." Naruto shakes his head. "Sometimes it feels as if he could go against the whole world in this way."

One thought brings another and under some other circumstances – if he wasn't so tired, that's it – Naruto would actually start to wonder about the direction in which his thoughts have turned, but not this time. There will be time to analyze it all later, he decides, but not now and not yet.

He's so lost in his thoughts, almost spaced out, that he doesn't even notice that Itachi is back until the car door opens.

Naruto turns his head slightly and watches the Uchiha while he's getting in the car, but says no words. Itachi sits down, puts a little bag he brought from the house on the back seat, and glances at Naruto, no expression visible on Itachi's face.

"Are you okay?" Itachi finally asks, quite casually, but there is something about his voice that makes these words sound... different, somewhat special... as if Itachi is worried or concerned.

Naruto eyes him speculatively for a while, wondering if he is imagining things or not. It seems to be unbelievable that Itachi could be worried about _him_ taking into consideration the circumstances – his little brother lying unconscious in the hospital and Itachi's being kind of kidnapped by Naruto himself – but this idea isn't unpleasant, quite the contrary. In fact, Naruto wouldn't mind if Itachi cared, but even though pleasant and rather comforting, the thought is somewhat disturbing at the same time.

"I'm fine," Naruto finally declares, but Itachi doesn't seem to be convinced.

"I could drive," the Uchiha suggests, still watching Naruto.

Naruto scowls and frowns at him, trying to hide how he feels. Being taken care of in such a way is nice, but there are moments when it almost hurts. Is it just politeness – common courtesy shown to a friend – that makes Itachi offer his help or... is there something more? Naruto couldn't say.

"As if you knew the city well..." Naruto remarks, quite glad that Itachi can't read his mind. "Besides, it's not that you know where exactly I am taking you." He gives Itachi a challenging look – the look that is to hide how uneasy Naruto feels at the moment.

_Damn you, Uchiha._

Itachi gazes at him in silence for some time and sighs, finally admitting his defeat. And not noticing anything – at least that's what Naruto would like to believe.

"Where are you taking me in that case?" Itachi inquires.

Naruto isn't surprised – he's known it will be asked sooner or later. For a short while he ponders on the answer.

"To some safe place where you'll be able to rest and stare at water as much as you want. Satisfied?" He glances at Itachi, his eyebrow knitted.

Having received no reply from the Uchiha, he turns his attention to the car and the car keys. He reaches out his hand, intending to start the engine, but he's stopped by Itachi words.

"Why are you doing it?" Itachi asks, his voice is as quiet as a whisper.

Naruto, somewhat surprised by the question, turns his head in order to see the Uchiha, to look at him, and quickly decides that he's just made a mistake. Itachi's eyes – these deep, dark eyes that seem to reflect no feeling or emotion, not now at least – are fixed on him and Naruto finds himself somewhat paralyzed. There is something mesmerizing about Itachi's gaze and if Naruto was to describe how he feels, he'd probably compare himself to a little mouse hypnotized by a snake; unable to move, think or run away.

It would be good to pretend that he has no idea what Itachi means by _it_, but he can't. Part of him would like to say that he has no idea why he's doing what he's doing, and even though that explanation is true, it doesn't sounds right even in his own ears. He desperately tries to find some other explanation, some plausible explanation, and finally blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind and makes at least some sense and is even true in fact.

"Last time I checked you were on Sasuke's 'to-be-killed' list," he declares with a serious expression on his face, "so it would be better if he didn't know about your visit here."

The explanation doesn't sound convincing in his ears, but he hopes that Itachi will believe it and won't continue the subject. And maybe Itachi indeed has believed in Naruto's words, because he doesn't question Naruto anymore, but turns his attention to the car window again.

_Just believe it, Itachi. Don't ask about anything else._

Naruto sighs and reaches out his hand in order to start the car, but his fingers stop just centimetres from the car key when he suddenly remembers something – the brothers resemble each other too much. They're like look-alikes. What if somebody that knows them both, Naruto and Sasuke, would see Itachi here?

Something must be done about it, something that would allow Naruto to hide Itachi's presence here...

"Listen, Itachi..." He glances at the man, with quite a serious look on his face. "Do you have sunglasses by chance?"

"Sunglasses?" Itachi repeats as if mentioning such a subject now was a strange idea.

Well... It's not that Naruto could really blame him for thinking in such a way. The idea indeed is strange.

"Yes, sunglasses." Naruto admits and scowls at Itachi in the reply. "If some police patrol tries to stop the car, put them on and pretend to sleep, okay? And leave the rest to me."

_Please, Itachi, don't comment._

Itachi raises his eyebrows hearing Naruto's "suggestion" and Naruto curses under his breath seeing his reaction. Turing to the steering wheel and starting the car, he tries to convince himself that he didn't see the amusement that shone in the Uchiha's eyes for a few seconds and then disappeared without any trace.

_Damn you, Uchiha! You'll pay me for that!_

The thought quickly disappears replaced by anxiety. There is something that he'll have to tell Itachi and Naruto can't stop wondering what Itachi's reaction will be. The thought keeps nagging him, because deep in his heart Naruto feels that he's also to blame for everything that happened and what brought Itachi back.

* * *

Taking into consideration the whole situation and that sudden secretiveness with which Naruto has decided to deal with Itachi's staying with him, Itachi should probably feel somewhat irritated, but he's not. Instead he feels rather intrigued and even amused, although it doesn't make much sense under these circumstances. There are some other feelings as well – feelings so mixed with one another that it's impossible to identify them – but Itachi decides to ignore them.

If he wasn't so tired, he would easily push the thoughts away, sealing them deep in his mind and heart, and not allowing them to come to the surface. He would keep them there for a long time, refusing to admit their existence, until they would fade and completely disappear, because feelings and emotions are not something he can allow himself. Not now at least. That's why he focuses his mind on amusement and amazement caused by unexpected Naruto's behaviour in general and mentioning the sunglasses in particular. At least in this way he doesn't have to think about his brother and ponder on some mixed and somewhat ambivalent feelings he has.

It seems to be a good way to avoid thinking about real problems and, in some way, it also feels good – much better than he could expect. He lets his himself get lost in this moment, as – for the first time in a long time – it makes him feel as if he had a normal life. Almost.

He keeps watching Naruto with a corner of his eyes, at the same time pretending to be interested in the view behind the car window so that Naruto wouldn't realize he's being observed.

Naruto seems to be quite calm, but it's obvious to Itachi that these are only appearances. If one looks deeper, digs under the surface, it's not so difficult to notice that the Uzumaki is rather... tense. Yes, "tense" would be a good word, Itachi decides.

There is something about the way that Naruto tilts his head while driving – as if fighting with some pain – squinting or frowning from time to time... Something about the way in which he presses his lips in a thin line... There is also something about the way in which his fingers keep clutching on the steering wheel – not tightly, but firmly enough to allow Itachi to notice it... These are barely noticeable details, but they tell him a lot about the way Naruto feels. They also cause a sharp twinge of guilt, as he suspects that at least part of Naruto's nervousness is caused by his, Itachi's, presence here.

The car stops and Itachi blinks, suddenly brought to reality from the world of his ponderings. He glances at Naruto and Naruto turns to him, with a faint smile on his face.

"That's here." Naruto announces and gets out of the car, quickly followed by Itachi.

Itachi takes a quick glance at the place and then he looks at it again. The house is beautiful, he has to admit it. Hidden behind trees – it makes the house seem to be a bit isolated, but it definitely isn't a flaw – small, elegant, wooden...

_Lovely._

And completely different from the apartment that Naruto was renting last time Itachi visited him, he concludes finally.

"Is this house... yours?" Itachi asks, despite himself feeling rather curious.

_If it is... how many other things have changed?_

Naruto, being in a half a way between the car and the house, turns in his direction, frowning.

"Yes, it is." Naruto replies. "What are you waiting for, Itachi? Going to stand there forever?"

Itachi shakes his head and catches up with Naruto quickly, his mind focused on the revelation he has just heard.

"Can a policeman afford to buy such a house?" For some reason he can't resist asking this question. Itachi himself can't see anything particularly wrong about the way in which it is said, but maybe the wording isn't chosen in the best way possible, judging by Naruto's reaction – Naruto scowls at him and his eyes flash with anger.

"Listen, Uchiha..." he says slowly, almost drawling his words. "I have no idea what you are thinking or what you are trying to suggest, but I haven't done anything illegal to get it, okay?"

Itachi is not quite surprised at Naruto's reaction. He didn't really intend to accuse Naruto of anything, but he also didn't expect that Naruto would interpret his words in this way, but well... That's Naruto after all.

"It was only a question." Itachi closes his eyes for a short while. "I was curious..." Even though he does not intend to explain his behaviour to Naruto, the words come and he can't stop them. He glances at Naruto, wondering if he decides to answer, to explain, and Naruto watches him, as if trying to see through that emotionless mask that Itachi is wearing again.

"I inherited it." A quiet reply finally comes.

"Inherited?" Itachi can't even hide his surprise hearing Naruto's explanation. "Naruto... but you..."

"Have no family. There is no need to remind me about it, you know." Naruto rolls his eyes, smiles bitterly and glances at Itachi. "It belonged to some crazy lady I once helped. For some reason she decided to leave it to me. That's all. No mystery here."

"Miracles happen, don't they?" Itachi whispers, not knowing what else he could say.

"They do, I guess." Naruto gives him a weary smile while opening the doors and enters the house.

After a short while of hesitance Itachi slowly follows him.

In some strange way entering this house is like entering some other world and Itachi quickly decides he likes it. The first room he sees – a little room that is probably a dining room – is warm and cosy and neat – almost too neat taking into consideration Naruto's habit of leaving miscellaneous things in many places, even unexpected places – and despite its size it seems to be spacious. He looks around, admiring the way in which the interior is furnished – sparsely yet tastefully, even elegantly. If he ever had a house that he could call his own, he would probably furnish it in a similar way.

It's only when he hears a soft chuckle from behind his back that he realizes that for all this time he's been being observed by Naruto. Once again Itachi blesses his self control and that emotionless expression – almost a mask – on his face, because showing some sign of embarrassment is probably the last thing he'd like to show in such a situation. He turns to face Naruto and what he sees somewhat surprises him.

Naruto is standing in the kitchen door, leaned against the frame, with his arms crossed against his chest. His eyes are sparkling with humour and he's smiling. He's really smiling, Itachi realizes with some surprise, as Naruto hasn't smiled like that – as if no problem existed in this world – for quite a long time. With this unruly hair and such an expression he reminds Itachi of the boy that Naruto used to be all these years ago – cheerful, optimistic and maybe a bit careless.

"What have I done to him?" He wonders, feeling a sudden twinge of guilt when he realizes how much Naruto has changed since they met for the first time. "I should have never agreed to _that_ in the first place."

Only that nothing could have been done in any other way back then, without making the situation even worse – that is something that Itachi has to finally accept.

Suddenly, something unexpected happens. Accidentally, their eyes meet and for a short while Itachi feels that these eyes gazing at him – these blue eyes from which amusement has disappeared again – scan him and that Naruto can see through him, being able to read all Itachi's thoughts; even these that Itachi would never share and which existence he would deny. The feeling is odd, but it quickly disappears when Naruto turns away and enters the kitchen and in some way Itachi is glad that it was Naruto that broke the eye contact and not him. After all, no Uchiha would ever "escape" in such a way.

"Take a seat," Naruto says glancing over his shoulder and waves his hand pointing the direction. "I'll join you in a while."

Itachi only nods in the reply and slowly paces toward the room which, he assumes, must be a living room.

Just like the rest of this little house the room is sparsely furnished, warm and cosy. It's softly lit by the sunlight filtering through the thin curtains and seems to be much bigger than it is in fact. It even has its own _atmosphere_.

However, it's not the feeling given by the room that catches Itachi's attention, but something that he notices next to the window – a small door with panes of frosted glass that can be nothing, but...

_The porch door... Just like in_ that _house._

The thought triggers an unexpected reaction, bringing back everything that has been kept "sealed" deep in Itachi's memory for all these years.

* * *

**TBC**

Well... How was it? :is anxious: No mystery revealed yet, and some more will appear ;) A bit of angst and pondering on the both sides... but maybe better you just read it yourself?

The next chapter has been partially written, but I need to be back to work for a while, so please, be patient and support me spiritually/mentally. They want to kill me with amount of work to be done.

If you read it and liked it, please, consider reviewing. Getting reviews does motivate me to write more :)


	3. Ch 3: Shouldering the blame

Um… Hello : ) been a while, hasn't it? I'm really sorry for not having updated the story for... 4 months I think. Unfortunately, I partially make my living of writing, too, and well, I do have to have some priorities. Go figure.

And a "short" note about Itachi. No matter how much I try, every time when Naruto and Itachi are together that Itachi we got the chance to see in Sasuke's memories in the manga (you know, Sasuke's beloved older brother) comes out on his own. Seems that Itachi can't put up his "look, I'm emotionless" act when Naruto is around :sweatdrops: Well... makes some sense I guess – you can't pretend that you are someone who you aren't when you spend your time with someone who you call your friend. If you miss emotionless!Itachi, I assure you that he'll be back when his brother appears in the story. (And if you still are going to complain about Itachi not being himself, maybe it's time to catch up with the manga and check what is written about him in the _Databook 3_. Not showing emotion is not equal to not having/feeling them at all. Besides, haven't I already stated that it's AU? :P).

**I do not own Naruto.**

_Italics _– thoughts or emphasis

**Note about the characters**: they're about 10 years older than their canon versions. That's what is to explain Naruto's maturity XD;

**Recommended listening:** "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol

* * *

**IF I FOUND THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY**

**Chapter 3**

_Shouldering the blame_

_

* * *

(– His little brother is sitting on the porch, surrounded by his toys, which are quickly forgotten once Sasuke notices that Itachi is back. The boy jumps to his feet and rushes towards him, almost running into him. Itachi steps back, trying to regain his balance, and Sasuke's little arms wrap around his waist._

_"Welcome home, brother!" The boy smiles widely. "Will you play with me?"_

_Not being able to resist that smile, he smiles back at Sasuke and ruffles his hair. "Sure I will."_

_Pure joy shines in Sasuke's eyes in the response to the words and he tightens his embrace, snuggling into Itachi, who lets his hands rest on Sasuke's shoulders._

_"Didn't you forget about something, boys?" A sharp voice comes from the garden and they both turn to the direction where it comes from._

_There, among low shrubs and flowers, their mother is standing, resting her hands on her hips. She's wearing a hat and some old clothes – a perfect outfit to work in the garden. There is a serious look on her face and even some dark smudges, probably left by her soiled hands when she tried to wipe away sweat from her face, don't soften her expression. Her glance is piercing and, like usual, Itachi can't resist the thought that their mother must have some special gift allowing her to see through them both and quickly discover what both her sons think or have done._

_"Homework, I know." A resigned sigh escapes him, but at the same time he's somewhat amused. After all, the question and the reminders became a kind of his daily routine long weeks ago._

_A muffled sound emitted by Sasuke draws his attention to his little brother._

_The boy has hung his head and is hiding his face in Itachi's shirt. His embrace seems to be a bit tighter than it was a few seconds ago and his fingers clutch on the fabric of the shirt, clearly revealing the boy's feeling._

_A gentle smile appears on Itachi's face at this view and he wraps his arms around Sasuke, closing the boy in his embrace._

_"There is not that much homework today," he declares, glancing at his mother, "so would it be okay if I played with Sasuke first?"_

_Having heard such a declaration, Sasuke jerks his head and tilts it, peering at Mikoto curiously and waiting for her answer._

_A faint smile flickers across her face when she watches her two sons standing on the porch and looking at her expectantly._

_"Okay, but no longer than two hours." She finally states in the response to their plea._

_Sasuke's face breaks into a wide grin when the boy turns to Itachi. "C'mon, brother, let's play!" –)_

Itachi shakes his head, as if trying to fight back the memory that all of sudden popped up in his mind, and glances at the porch door.

The door... This ordinary-looking door is like a gate to the time long-passed and forgotten.

Itachi's lips curve slightly when he remembers a similar door in the house from the life so different from his current life that it doesn't seem to be his life anymore.

He reaches out, intending to open the door, but his hand stops just millimetres from the door handle. He frowns. It's not that he's afraid of opening it; it's not that he hesitates either. It's all about the door and what it represents in some way.

Memories... There is so many of them and all of them so distant... For a short while million scenes, thoughts and impressions flash through his mind, changing from one to another almost with the speed of light.

A cold touch of a solid, metal surface when he first took a gun in his hand... A shocked expression on his mother's face when Itachi appeared in the door on that day... Sasuke's eyes widened by surprise and disbelief when he entered the room and saw their parents' bodies and Itachi standing next to them and...

He closes his eyes and pushes all these memories away, sealing them deep in his mind, as there is no place for them. Not now and not here. Not until what should be done is finished, whenever it is to happen. Then there will be the time to remember.

He glances at the door again and, hesitantly, he puts his hand on the door handle and opens the door. He squints, partially dazzled by the sunlight. He lets his eyes adjust to that light before he finally enters the porch and takes a look at it, feeling somewhat curious despite himself.

He's not sure what he really expected to see there, but with some relief he realizes that the view is completely different from the one he just remembered.

The porch is small and partially roofed. Itachi glances at two wicker armchairs in the corner of the porch and a small table placed between them, wondering how much time Naruto spends here.

_And with whom._

He frowns at the sudden thought, because it's not that he actually _should_ care about with whom Naruto spends his free time, but the thought keeps coming back and it takes some effort to push it away.

Trying to fight the unpleasant and somewhat disturbing feeling that has grown in his heart, he turns his attention to the garden which existence he didn't really suspect. It's little yet lovely and definitely well-kept, probably by Naruto.

Itachi smiles, realizing that despite the years that have passed since they met, there still are many things about Naruto that he doesn't know.

His eyes move from one place to another, wandering randomly over flowers, grass and shrubs until a sudden glitter of something silver draws his attention. Could it be...?

"A pond..." he whispers.

Itachi gazes at the silver surface framed with stones and some shrubs he can't recognize. Sunrays dance on the water surface, creating fantastic patterns that would mesmerize everybody and Itachi is not an exception. Somewhat surprised, he admits that there must be some magic working in this place.

"Water to stare at?" he murmurs and a trace of a smile plays across his lips when he lets himself get lost in this short moment of calmness and peace, in the place where even his problems seem not to exist anymore.

* * *

Naruto is slowly walking through the hall, holding two cups in his hand. He winces, thinking that maybe he spent in the kitchen more time than it was really necessary, but it couldn't be avoided, as he did need that time so that he could collect his thoughts.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting," he utters an apology while entering the room in which he left Itachi and blinks in surprise, not seeing the Uchiha there.

He stops and looks around, quickly noticing that the porch door, closed tightly before he left the house, are now wide open. A gentle smile spreads over his face at this view and he shakes his head.

Sure. He should have known that Itachi would immediately find the place. Some sixth sense must have led him there or something like that. Naruto is not really sure what that special ability of Itachi is, but the Uchiha definitely posses one.

Slowly he makes his way to the door and stops in it, for a short while observing Itachi.

Itachi is standing in the corner of the porch and gazing at something – even without checking, Naruto is ready to bet that it's the pond that draws his attention to itself – and his hands rest on the low balustrade surrounding the porch. He looks relaxed and there is even a trace of smile playing across Itachi's lips. He seems to be lost in his thoughts; lost so much that for a short while Naruto is almost sure that if the world were to end in that minute, in some way Itachi would fail to notice it. A rare thing indeed.

Seeing the peaceful expression on Itachi's face, Naruto decides to give him some more time on pondering (or watching the pond – whatever he is focused on at this moment). After all not that often it happens that some emotions are shown on the Uchiha's face, even if said emotions can not be so easily identified. It's as if that mask of his had fallen apart for a short while, showing the real Itachi – the man he could be if some things had never happened. Someone serious, quiet and thoughtful, expressing philosophical attitude toward some matters and being more approachable than he is now – that's how Naruto would describe him.

"Actually I'm quite surprised that you managed to convince your personal babysitter to stay wherever he is now." Naruto finally speaks, entering the porch.

Itachi flinches as if Naruto's words broke some trance he was in and turns to Naruto, a faint flicker of surprise still visible in his eyes. Apparently Itachi didn't notice his presence until he heard Naruto's voice.

Naruto knows Itachi well enough to say how unusual this behaviour is. Just a few times has he witnessed a situation in which Itachi let himself to let his guard down, but never before has he seen him... so defenceless if it is a good word to describe Itachi now. He has to give Itachi credit – no matter how much surprised, he hid his feeling within seconds and pretends that nothing happened.

"A babysitter?" Itachi repeats after him, cocking his eyebrow.

Naruto watches him for a short while, squinting.

"Yeah..." He admits, coming closer to Itachi and giving him one of the cups. "You know... that big guy who happens to go into the mother-hen mode every time he thinks that you get yourself into trouble." Somehow he can't resist rolling his eyes at the statement.

Itachi gives him a weak smile in the response, but instead of answering, he decides to focus his interest on the cup he's holding in his hands. Naruto, however, can't really blame him for that and for a short while he also lets himself enjoy the strong aroma wafting from his cup.

Coffee. A real gift from heavens.

"I know who you meant," Itachi declares after a short while, slowly sipping the coffee. "It's just... I wouldn't call Kisame a babysitter."

Naruto casts him a glance over his cup, his eyes shining with amusement.

"Find a better word then?" He grins at Itachi. "Speaking of which... How is he doing?"

He sits down in the armchair and glances at Itachi, somewhat expectantly, demanding his answer. Itachi doesn't seem to be surprised by it and Naruto doesn't expect him to be. After all Kisame and Naruto are almost friends – well... they are in a way – and know each other quite well; that's something that Itachi is well aware of.

"He's doing well and as usual he is a bit too... enthusiastic about some things," Itachi replies, sitting down in the other armchair. "He asked when you would join us..." He adds after a short while.

Naruto keeps silent for a while. Actually, he's almost sure that Itachi knows his answer. It's not the first time when the suggestion has been made, but his answer hasn't changed since it was made for the first time.

"I think I'll decline," Naruto whispers after a while and gives Itachi a serious look which is quickly replaced by a weak smile. "I like to keep my options open, you know, and once you've joined, it's impossible to break the contract."

Itachi nods in the reply, accepting Naruto's answer, and turns his attention to the cup and the garden. The place sinks in silence.

Naruto watches him for a while, before he decides to speak.

"You like this place, don't you?" He asks, chuckling. "Don't even try to deny it. I saw the look on your face when you first entered this house."

Itachi darts Naruto a thoughtful glance over the cup he's holding in his hands. "I do."

"You know... at first I had doubts when I heard about this house. That lady... I didn't know her well so it did come as a surprise to be informed about her last will, but when I saw this house, I made my mind immediately." Naruto confesses. A dreamy look appears on his face and his fingers move slowly, brushing the solid surface of the table.

Itachi leans back, listening to him and sipping his coffee. Even if he doesn't understand why Naruto is telling him about it, he doesn't show it; he doesn't try to stop him either.

"I used up my all my savings to pay the estate tax, but it was worth of it." Naruto continues after a while. "You could feel it, couldn't you? This place just feels like _home_."

Naruto fixes his eyes on Itachi and the Uchiha almost flinches under his intense gaze.

"Home... I wish I actually had one..." Itachi whispers under his breath.

"Then... why don't you stay here?" Naruto suggests with a trace of smile playing across his face.

* * *

To say that Itachi is surprised, would be an understatement. He blinks and turns to Naruto, surprise and maybe even shock clearly visible on his face for a short while, but all these feelings quickly disappear when Itachi, with some effort, manages to regain his composure. He didn't expect Naruto to continue this subject again, not after the argument in which it turned last time – the main reason why Naruto declared to disappear from Itachi's life – and not when Sasuke's feelings toward Itachi are what they are. He opens his mouth to answer, but he's stopped by the look in Naruto's eyes – determination mixed with despair.

"Isn't it what you really want after all?" Naruto continues. His voice is almost as quiet as a whisper, but it resounds clearly around. "You only want to keep your brother safe and you'd do everything to protect him. For him... For his sake you even joined that organization..."

Itachi is somewhat stunned. There are moments when he almost hates that Naruto's ability to read in people's hearts – especially in his own heart – and voicing thoughts and feelings which existence Itachi has always denied or which he finds long forgotten, _forsaken_.

A stab of dull pain – the pain he knows too well – shoots through his chest, once again bringing back memories of what was lost years ago and what will never be back. He closes his eyes, trying not to wince, when he remembers all these sleepless nights spent on thinking and wondering how it would be to have a different – normal – life, spend his time with Sasuke and their parents and live – at least from time to time – not worrying about what the tomorrow might bring.

_No! I don't regret...__ I won't regret._

Yet the words are just a lie; a blatant lie in which even he himself can't believe, because there is no single while and minute that Itachi doesn't regret the decision he made long time ago. In the end that decision appeared to be much more painful than he could ever expect.

He looks away, and focuses on the cup he holds in his hands.

"It's too late, Naruto," he utters hanging his head. "The organization..."

"The organization is not a problem!" Naruto cuts in, snorting. "You know about it."

Naruto is right and Itachi can not deny his words. The organization could protect his brother if he asked them, and maybe they could protect both, Sasuke and Naruto, but it would mean strengthening the ties binding him to the organization. It would change into a life-long contract... not that it is much shorter now, anyway.

"It's too late..." The words escape his lips almost against his will. "He hates me now."

"Idiot." Naruto snorts, putting his emptied cup on the table with force greater than really needed for such an activity. "He wouldn't hate you if you had told him what _really_ happened."

"And what exactly should I have told him in your opinion?" Itachi snaps and glares at Naruto, but the glare makes no impression on the latter.

"The truth. It always works." An honest answer comes. "You should have told him that you weren't involved in your parents' deaths."

"The point is that I _was_ involved in it." A grim look appears on Itachi's face.

"Not in the way your brother _thinks_ you were," Naruto remarks, once again fixing his eyes on Itachi.

Itachi stares at him with an unreadable expression on his face, trying to find words that would prove Naruto to be wrong. The words, however, don't appear. Not this time at least, as he feels that Naruto is right. Itachi, however, still refuses to accept the fact.

He sighs and rubs his forehead, trying to fight tiredness. Even now it still is a great mystery to him how easily he can lose such discussions with Naruto. Definitely, the man knows him too well.

"Forget it, Naruto." Itachi shakes his head and looks away. "It's better in this way."

"Better for you or for him?" Naruto asks in a voice so bitter that it almost makes Itachi feel guilty about the whole situation and the words that were said. "Because for sure not for me!"

Naruto is angered, and it's been a long time since Itachi saw him in such a mood. Naruto's eyes narrow and flash with something close to fury. His fists clench so tightly that his knuckles whiten. And then in a while as short as a blink of the eye it all disappears.

"Do you even know how it is when I have to hide the truth from my best friend?" Naruto utters with his head hung and in Itachi's eyes he looks somewhat... defeated. "Do you even know how it is to hear him talking about you with hatred and knowing that he should not hate? Not you at least..."

Itachi glances at Naruto, feeling much guiltier than he would be ready to admit. Naruto has never complained about the situation he voluntarily got himself into and Itachi can blame only himself for failing to notice that it all has appeared to be much more complicated and hurting than Naruto would ever admit. Itachi could deal with his own pain, but finding out about the pain that Naruto has felt and realizing that it is him, Itachi, that is responsible for it... That definitely is something different.

"I'm sorry... I..." Unable to finish the sentence, he just looks away.

A heavy silence falls on the porch and none of them seems to be eager to break it.

Itachi's glance slides over the surroundings – the porch and the garden – as if looking for some distraction from his problems, and finally it rests on Naruto.

Naruto is still sitting and staring at his own hands. His fists clench and then he unclenches them, not making any other moves.

"You know..." Naruto finally decides to break the silence. "He doesn't really need me. What he really needs is his brother's presence... He doesn't need someone who failed to protect him... And I failed... It's my fault."

Itachi jerks his head. "What are you talking about?" He winces, realizing that his voices might sound sharper than he would like it to sound.

Naruto looks at him, his eyes filled with despair and something very close to resignation – it's so not typical and so different from Naruto's usual behaviour that he can't help but stare at him.

"Don't look at me like that..." Naruto scowls at him at first, but the scowl is soon replaced by worry and Naruto averts his look. "Like you could see through me..."

Itachi shifts and moves his eyes to his own hands. If it is to help Naruto to feel less uneasy, then he doesn't really mind to spend some more time in this way.

From the corner of his eyes he watches Naruto – his fists, once again clenched so tightly that the knuckles have already whitened, his determined face, lips pressed in a thin line and hunched shoulders. It all tells him how Naruto feels and he's almost sure that Naruto is blaming himself for what happened, even if Itachi can't say for what exactly.

A resigned sigh escapes him. "What happened?" Somehow, he's sure that whatever Naruto is blaming himself for is not his fault in fact. Only that... Naruto will need somebody else's help to understand it.

"I failed, isn't it obvious?" Naruto states, his face grim and determined. "I was to protect him, but I failed and he's in the hospital now..."

Itachi eyes him speculatively for a while.

"Was you able to predict the accident?" he inquires.

Naruto jerks his head and gapes at Itachi. "No... Yes..." He rubs his forehead. "I don't know... Maybe there was something that I missed; something that..."

He lets the words sink into silence.

"A few weeks ago Sasuke started working on some gang. Nothing big – just a loose connection to selling not quite legal stuff," Naruto winces trying not to reveal too many details – old habits taking over, "but we figured it might be a cover. And then... Something happened..." Naruto falls silent.

Itachi frowns and moves his eyes to Naruto. "Something...?"

Naruto winces. "He had a minor crash; I don't know the details, because he didn't want to tell me anything. Then there were some other little mishaps – nothing special or catching anyone's attention. Back then... It all seemed to be a coincidence, but somehow... he got himself into the accident."

A heavy sigh escapes him and he leans forth, hiding his face in his hands.

"You know... Despite all my tries I haven't been able to find anything. No witness, no trace; even that little girl that your brother saved can't remember anything except for the blinding lights of the car that hit them." Naruto focuses his eyes on him. "You could think that neither the car nor the driver have ever existed."

An unreadable expression appears on Itachi's face when he analyzes the information provided by Naruto.

"Was there anything else that made you suspect it all is connected?" Itachi inquires. A thoughtful look appears on his face.

"Is that not enough?" Naruto scowls at him and laughs bitterly. "You saw him in the hospital..."

Itachi winces. Yes, he indeed saw Sasuke in the hospital and he still can't forget how he felt seeing him there.

"There is no direct connection between the events, Naruto. At least nothing that could be noticed immediately." Itachi sighs. "Listen, Naruto, I know that you take seriously everything related to protecting Sasuke, but what do you think you would have been able to do? Stop the car with your own hands?"

Naruto scowls at him and then he frowns. "I think it would have figured out something," he finally mutters, attempting to glare angrily at Itachi. After a short while, however, he presses his hand to his mouth, trying to suppress a chuckle. "Ok... You won, satisfied? I jumped into conclusion and started to see enemies everywhere or something like that."

He leans his elbow on the armrest and rests his chin on his hand. A somewhat enigmatic smile crosses his face.

Itachi watches him for a while, with some satisfaction and relief noticing that Naruto is not as tensed as he seemed to be just a few minutes ago, even though worry still hasn't disappeared. Not that he would really expect it to disappear.

"Did you really need my help to realize that?" Itachi smirks.

"Well... Some people still claim that I'm incredibly thick-headed and slow at understanding things and I assume they do it for a reason." A rueful grin spreads across Naruto's face, but it disappears after a short while. "But it reminds me about something..."

Itachi, somewhat surprised by this sudden change on subject, cocks his eyebrow.

"Short after we started to work on that case, Sasuke got a note from one of his informers. There was only one word on it and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't figure what the man meant." Naruto leans back and clasps his hands behind his head. A serious expression appears on his face – the unmistakable sign that Naruto is deeply thinking about something. "Obviously it would be much easier to ask that man about it, but... he disappeared."

"Did you manage to find out what happened to him?" Itachi asks, even though somehow he's sure he knows the answer.

"Actually, we did." Naruto turns to him, his blue eyes seem to pierce through Itachi. "We found him just a few days ago. The man had drowned."

Itachi flinches. There is no reason why he should react in this way, but... the words immediately bring back memories of the day when Shisui was found.

_Shisui's face. Shisui that will never smile again._ _Dead. Drowned._

He closes his eyes and tries to get rid of the painful memory.

"Was it..." Itachi utters.

"It was an accident." Naruto cuts in and frowns. "We checked everything, but found nothing, so we were forced to assume it was an accident, even if it's hard to believe in such a coincidence. Man, I can't believe in it, too. It's just too..." He stops talking, looking for the best word expressing his thoughts.

"Convenient?" Itachi suggests and Naruto looks at him with the eyes full of gratitude.

"That's it!" He nods. "Anyway, you know what I mean... The man gives us the card and dies in some accident just a few days later, before he can tell us what that message was supposed to mean."

Itachi can't disagree with him. Once again he feels astonished, realizing how similar the situation is to what happened all these years ago. Back then he also refused to accept the fact that Shisui's death was nothing more than a suicide, despite the note he had left. Only Itachi believed that Shisui would have never killed himself.

The thought, however, does not bring him to an optimistic conclusion – quite the contrary. Could it be _them_ again?

"The word..." he asks Naruto after a while. "What was the word written on the card?"

Naruto stares at him and then he slaps his forehead. "That's right, I forgot to mention it. The word was 'rod'."

"Rod?" Itachi repeats. "Just 'rod'? Nothing more?"

"Nothing. And we checked every possibility – be it a name, an acronym or some abbreviation."

"Somehow... It doesn't sound like some organization's name." Itachi rubs his forehead.

"Well... Not every organization might call itself 'dawn'. Besides, the name has been already taken." Naruto's face breaks into a mischievous smile.

Itachi just gives him a _look_ in the response.

"Well... It doesn't change the fact that I still know nothing." Naruto sighs heavily and suppresses a yawn. "But it also means that maybe I'll have to work harder from now on, just to find the answer."

Itachi can't help but smile hearing the words and seeing how Naruto's eyes glows with fierce determination. In this world there are many things that keep change, but at the same time there are quite a few that never won't. Undoubtedly, Naruto's persistence and stubbornness are among these that never change.

He stands up, deciding it's about the time to stretch his legs.

"If you're looking for the bathroom, it's next to the kitchen." Naruto eyes him, no expression visible on his face.

Itachi gives him a thoughtful glance. "Are you not afraid that that I will run away?"

"I know that you wouldn't do that." Naruto smiles at him and stretches out in the armchair.

Itachi shakes his head and says nothing. He takes their cups and goes to the kitchen.

When he's back, Naruto is dozing off in the armchair.

Itachi's eyes rest on Naruto and his expression softens. "Maybe indeed you know me well," he whispers.

He has to give Naruto credit – since they first met, the Uzumaki has seemed to do his best at destroying all these walls that Itachi started to build around himself short after Shisui's death. The walls became even thicker after his parents' deaths and Itachi believed that in some way the boy he used to be died together with them, and what didn't die on that day was killed during next few months after it. Back then he was sure he lost everything, his brother including, but then Naruto appeared and... everything changed. Itachi can't even tell when Naruto became so important part of his life – important enough to sacrifice everything in order to protect him, even if it would mean hurting Itachi's own feelings in the process.

A sudden gust of wind arises, blowing through the porch, and Naruto shivers.

Frowning, Itachi takes Naruto's jacket and covers Naruto with it – better such a thing than nothing as, even though the day is really warm, somehow this warmness cannot be felt on the roofed porch.

He reaches forth and gently brushes away a strand of hair from Naruto's face. Then his hand, as if moving on its own, touches lightly Naruto's hair and slides down, gently brushing the skin and outlining the line of his jaw. For a while he lets himself enjoy the sensation of the warm skin under the tips of his fingers and then... everything ends.

Naruto moves, mumbling something in his sleep, and the trance Itachi's seemed to be in breaks immediately.

He jerks his hand back. Somewhat shocked, he steps back and stares at it, his eyes wide open.

"What was I thinking..." he whispers, trying to regain his usual composure.

"Staying here... Naruto..." he glances at Naruto and rubs his forehead.

Slowly he paces toward the other armchair and sinks in it, thinking.

It wouldn't be bad to have Naruto around, he can't deny it, but at the same time Itachi is aware that Naruto is much safer when things are kept in the way they are now. He wants Naruto to be safe, and apparently he'll be much safer when Itachi stays away from him.

"I'm afraid it's one of these things that should never happen, Naruto," he whispers. "It will be much better for you... and me... if it all ends in this way."

His glance moves aimlessly, sliding over the porch, Naruto and the garden.

"As if I had no problem with Sasuke..." he utters. "What we got ourselves into this time, I wonder."

He leans back and closes his eyes, trying to focus his mind on planning and not thinking about Sasuke and Naruto at least for a short while.

* * *

Naruto opens his eyes slowly and stretches himself. With some surprise he realizes that his upper body is covered with his jacket, although he definitely doesn't remember using it as a poor substitute of a blanket.

He looks around, feeling somewhat light-headed. "Seems that I fell asleep in the porch again..." He winces.

It's then that the memory of the latest events comes back and he jumps up from the armchair.

"Oh crap, what time is it?" He looks around, panicking a bit. "Itachi..."

His eyes rest on the Uchiha, who apparently has nodded off in the other armchair.

"Right... Itachi is not going anywhere right now." He laughs nervously, somewhat embarrassed by his own silliness.

He leaves the porch, but is back after a short while, holding a blanket in his hands. He wraps it carefully around sleeping Itachi, making sure that he won't wake him by accident.

"Stubborn idiot," he mutters with a somewhat worried expression on his face. "Do you think that I don't know that you've been overworking yourself?"

Well... They did have an argument, but even a little war wouldn't force him to simply erase the older Uchiha from his life. He did promise not to contact Itachi and he kept the promise, but he never promised not to ask Kisame about how the Uchiha was doing. And Kisame appeared to be an unexpectedly good informer.

"Do you want to kill yourself with work or something?" He scowls at the man, but soon a soft smile appears on his face. "You know... actually... I'm glad that you're here, even if it's somewhat selfish... I should be more worried about Sasuke, but... I can't."

He reaches out, as if trying to touch him, but his hand stops just millimetres from Itachi's face. He moves his hand back and lets it fall along his body.

"Maybe... it's better in this way," he sighs and turns back.

"...sui."

Naruto flinches and glances at Itachi over his shoulder. Was it really his imagination or Itachi was talking in his sleep?

"I could have sworn I heard some name... Shisui? Something like that? Who is that person I wonder..." He mutters, frowning.

Why is it making him feel so uneasy? He can't say. Once again he glances at Itachi and leaves the porch.

When he's back some time later, feeling rather refreshed after a quick shower he took, Itachi is still sleeping.

Naruto casts him a glance and decides that he should let him sleep a little more. He turns back, intending to spend some time in the kitchen, preparing a meal for them, but a muffled sound coming from behind his back stops him in the door.

He turns to Itachi and his eyes widen.

"Itachi...?" he utters, with a horrified expression on his face.

* * *

**TBC**

Yes it's a cliffhanger, I'm evil :3

The intro scene was brought to you thanks to the scene from the chapter 402.

That's everything this time. Hope to see you after the next update (but I'm still not sure when exactly it will happen, except for the fact that it won't happen in January for sure and probably not in February, too.)

You've got some bits from the brothers' past and one clue about who the main antagonist of the story is. Feel free to speculate.

Also... if you want to motivate me to work harder and faster on this fic, why don't you say something? :mischievous smile:


	4. Ch 4: Believe in what you want

I'm really sorry for not having updated for over half a year D: A lot of stuff happened in the meantime and that's the result. Anyway... Taking such a long break had some other effect, too. I'm afraid that my writing style has changed a bit, hopefully not for worse. Be warned.

**Warnings:  
**1. Despite my tries, Itachi and Naruto keep proving that they want to be a bit different from their canon versions.  
2. Despite what you might think about the first part - it does make sense - just continue reading.  
3. ANGST.

**Note: **The number of any possible Uchiha clan members was greatly narrowed down in order not to make the situation overly ridiculous with some massacre, so don't hunt me down for this detail, please ^^;

**I do not own Naruto.** We all know to whom it belongs.

**Recommended listening:** Something psychedelic for the first Itachi's part (I wrote it while listening to _Gravity_ by A Perfect Circle) and _The Final Line_ by Snow Patrol to the rest.

_Italics_ – thoughts or emphasis

* * *

**IF I FOUND THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY  
**

**Chapter 4**

_Believe in what you want_

_

* * *

_When Itachi wakes up, he's alone on the porch.

He moves in the armchair, trying to find some more comfortable position, and looks around, wondering where Naruto could go.

For some reason he feels uneasy – it's as if something is about to happen. At first he thinks that it's a side effect of just having woken up, but time passes, seconds turns into minutes, and nothing changes. Not only this uncomfortable feeling does not disappear, but it persists, growing stronger and stronger, and at some point making him want to glance back over his shoulder in order to check if there is somebody hiding behind his back.

It's then that he finally realizes that _something_ has changed. His glance slides over the surroundings – the porch, the table and the other armchair – before it moves to the garden with all its scrubs and flowers. He watches them for a short while, trying to figure out what exactly makes him feel so restless, and then the realization comes – it's all because of silence.

The unnatural silence fills the place, stretching down the garden, from the porch to the garden wall. There is no wind, no single leaf or twig move. Birds don't sing, no other animal makes any sound and he can't hear anything that would prove that place is inhabited – in fact it seems to be some desolated and abandoned place.

Actually, it's not only the garden, he realizes after a while. This silence reigns in the house, too, filling it with some unreal and somewhat tense atmosphere. It's as if there was no one inside of it and, come to think of it, it almost feels as if the whole world outside this place had stopped to exist.

Somewhat disturbed, he stands up and enters the house, hoping to find Naruto there. He moves slowly, out of habit making as little noise as possible, but in this deafening silence every step he takes seems to resound through the whole house.

He crosses the room and looks in the kitchen. It's clean and tidy, almost too tidy, and there is no sign that Naruto has been there. He frowns, looking around. He stops by the table, touches it and for a short while his fingers move over it, sliding across the smooth surface. The table top looks like it is made of wood, but to his surprise it's as cold as any metal surface could be. His hand stops in the middle of the move and he leaves the kitchen, all of sudden full of bad feelings. For some reason he can't stop thinking that Naruto has disappeared and even if he looked for him, he wouldn't find him anywhere.

Just a few more steps takes him to the hallway, where he stops in front of the stairs and looks up, trying to see through the inky darkness that seems to gather in the first floor.

"Naruto?" His voice echoes through the hallway, filling the space between the walls.

No reply comes.

For a few more seconds he stands in the hallway, frowning, before he finally goes up the stairs. The steps crack quietly under his feet, adding some eerie feeling to the already strange atmosphere inside of the house. Finally, he's on the first floor and squints, looking around and trying to see something, but, to his disappointment, it's much darker than he expected it to be. He reaches out his hand, the tips of his fingers touch the wall and then he moves them along it, trying to find the switch. He takes a few steps, entering something he expects to be a hallway and continues his search for Naruto. He goes further and further, starting to wonder if the house did seem to be so big when he looked at it from the outside. His fingers brush the rough surface of the wall, but the switch is nowhere to be found.

"You can't save everyone." All of sudden a cold voice comes from behind his back.

Itachi flinches and his eyes widen in a shock.

He knows this voice – it's been haunting him for years, appearing in every single nightmare he's had, but he's never expected any of these nightmares to come true in such a way. Even now this voice still sends shivers down his spine, reminding him about the past and the day on which his parents were killed. He's not a child anymore – he's older and wiser, or at least he _should_ be wiser – but he still keeps making the same mistakes, dragging people around him into dangerous situations. Just like now. Why did he assume that they would stop looking for him after so many years?

Within seconds some old memories are forcefully brought back and for a short while, once again he is the boy he used to be – someone who's not strong enough to save anyone, too naïve not to be manipulated and too scared to think about the consequences of his own actions. Once again he can see the whole scene – the man whose cold stare rests on him and himself standing over his parents' dead bodies lying on the floor. He closes his eyes and clenches his fists, trying to push these painful memories away.

In some way he succeeds, but focusing on the present situation doesn't make him feel much better. For a short while it feels as if some invisible fist clenched around his heart. It's been a long time since he felt afraid of anything or anyone in such a way, but even now he doesn't worry about himself, believing it to be something that he has deserved, but about these whom he wishes to protect – Sasuke and... Naruto.

_What have I done...? I'm sorry, Naruto..._

A wave of guilt mixed with anger washes through him, making him clench his teeth and fists. In his mind he scolds himself for being so thoughtless, letting his guard down and not having noticed that somebody must have followed them when Naruto was giving him a drive. Now, there is no point in wondering what happened to Naruto and why he couldn't find him in the house as the answer is obvious – they must have caught him.

"What will you do?" The man speaks again. His voice has some special note in it, as if the man knew exactly what Itachi is thinking about and decided to tease him in some way, finding some unexpected joy and some sick pleasure in seeing Itachi's potential suffering. Itachi can't resist thinking that the man must be smirking, enjoying the situation Itachi got stuck into.

With some effort Itachi manages to calm down. His mind is focused on searching for some way out of the situation. Slowly he turns his head, trying to avoid sudden moves. Even if the darkness covers his movements, any sound could easily give him away, revealing his position to the man standing behind him.

Narrowing his eyes, he glances back over his shoulder. He still can't see the man, but it doesn't matter. Itachi knows well enough what the man looks like and he knows that the man hasn't changed that much from the day they last met. It's not difficult for him to imagine the man now – a black figure in a patch of dim light coming from the stairs and the hallway below. In his imagination he can even see a scathing look that appears on the man's face and a cold stare that the man gives him.

When Itachi finally turns round, the man is gone. Surprised, he stares at the hallway for a few seconds and then he runs, feeling guilty of wasting time in such a stupid way. He doesn't slow down when he gets to the stairs, not that much at least.

His mind is focused on planning as there is one difficult choice he has to make. His heart hurts when he thinks about whom he should save first. Shall it be Sasuke, still lying lifelessly in the hospital, yet somewhat protected by other people's presence? Or shall it be Naruto, unintentionally dragged in it all by Itachi and being held captive by his old enemies?

He makes his decision while running down the stairs, not even thinking twice about why such a decision is made – there will be time to analyze it later. Sasuke will have to wait this time, he decides, and tries to convince himself that his brother is much safer in the hospital than Naruto is here. In his thoughts he apologies to Sasuke, but it doesn't prevent him from feeling sharp twinges of guilt.

He slows down before getting to the entrance door, now wide open, expecting some trap to be set outside the house. He stops and starts to listen intently, but no sound can be heard outside.

For some reason the situation raises his suspicions. Frowning, he comes closer to the door and takes a look at the street. He can't see anything unusual, so slowly he leaves the house, ready to hide in it again in case someone decides to attack him.

Only that... nothing happens. The street is empty and he can see no one there, not to mention any car disappearing in a distance. His pursuers had to get here somehow and he's sure that they haven't left the place, but there is only Naruto's car in front of the house and nothing else.

Somewhat stupefied, he looks around. Could it be that he imagined it all? This theory makes some sense and explains why he didn't hear the man climbing up the stairs and why the man disappeared without any trace. But if he did imagine it all, where did Naruto go in that case?

"Itachi..." Another familiar voice coming from behind his back cuts through his ponderings.

He freezes, not really sure if he's imagined hearing it or not. His eyes widen and his body stiffens. Slowly, he turns round, partially expecting to see no one, but he's proven wrong. There, in front of him stands someone he knew long time ago.

His glance slides over the newcomer. Nothing has changed about the man – his dark eyes are sparkling with humour, his hair is as dark and messy as it was years ago and there still is something disarming about his smile – the smile that hardly ever disappeared from his face in the past. Even now he looks like he is scheming something, Itachi notices with some surprise, just like he did in these good old days. Judging by his look, he's doing quite well, however, according to what Itachi knows the man died long years ago.

"Shisui..." A quiet whisper escapes him.

Shisui is dead – he _knows_ about it – but if Shisui is dead, how can he appear here? Is it just a dream, some terrible nightmare from which he'll soon wake? Or has he finally gone insane, forever losing his ability to distinguish the creation of his imaginations from what is true and real? He can't say. So many questions appear, and he can't answer any of them. It doesn't seem that he'll get the answers from Shisui, too, as his cousin just stands there, keeps watching him and has said nothing since he called his name.

It's then that something happens. Darkness seems to come from nowhere, filling the street and covering everything with its thick layer. Slowly, Itachi's vision narrows and the world seem to shrink to one little point. He blinks, hoping that it's just a temporary problem, but the darkness is still there. For a short while he can see Shisui's frightened face, but then everything disappears.

Together with the darkness comes pain; its sharp stabs shoot through his chest one after another. Quickly, the pain overwhelms him and he's brought down to his knees, not being able to stand any longer. Something invisible tightens around his chest, making it almost impossible to breathe, and every breath he takes seems to fill his lungs with fire, causing him even more pain. His hand clutches on the fabric of his shirt, as if in this way he could ease a pain.

Itachi's mind focuses on the pain. Even he couldn't say how much time has passed since it all started, as seconds seem to be as long as hours. His heart pounds so hard in his chest that for a few seconds he thinks that even Shisui can hear it. He still can hardly breathe and in some way it's almost like drowning, he thinks, although there is no water around. Taking into consideration Shisui's presence here, the situation is rather ironic – after all isn't Shisui the one that drowned long years ago? For a very short while he wonders if that's what Shisui felt when cold water of the river closed around him.

_But Shisui isn't dead; he's here – alive._

"...chi..."

With some effort he manages to raise his head. The darkness is all around him, but he still can see Shisui leaning over him. Except for Shisui there is someone else, he realizes; someone whom he can't see, but who seems to be a friend. It doesn't matter anymore, however. He feels tired... too tired to do anything. He closes his eyes, not intending to fight anymore.

"Itachi!" One more voice cuts through the darkness and a strong, warm hand shakes him by his shoulder.

He opens his eyes and squints, but everything around him is blurry. Despite the blurriness, however, he can see that something has changed. It seems that Shisui has stepped back, giving his place to someone else, another person he knows well.

"Itachi..." Naruto's voice trembles as he speaks and his eyes are filled with anxiety and concern.

Itachi doesn't want to be a cause of Naruto's worry. He tries to assure Naruto that he'll be fine and everything will be okay, but no sound comes out of his mouth.

The darkness is coming closer, closing around him. In this dark world that surrounds him he can see Naruto's hand, reached out toward him. His own hand moves, as if not quite according to his will, and two hands catch it.

Everything disappears.

* * *

Naruto curses under his breath while running to Itachi. Maybe he's not an expert, but just looking at sleeping Itachi he can say that somethingwrong is going on here. Itachi's skin is pale, he seems restless and his body is trembling and bathed in transpiration. Definitely – you don't really need a genius here to know that whatever Itachi's been dreaming about, it isn't some nice and pleasant dream that everybody would want to have. What worries him the most, however, it Itachi's heavy breathing – as if the man was suffocating or... drowning. Itachi seems to suffer... but he doesn't wake up.

Naruto knows that some immediate action has to be taken. He bites his lips, thinking intensively about what he should do now. Finally he remembers something – long time ago he heard that if somebody has some particularly awful nightmare, it might be quite a good idea to wake them up. Still hesitating, he reaches down, putting his hand on Itachi's shoulder.

"Wake up, Itachi!" He shakes Itachi by his shoulder again and again, but, despite his efforts, Itachi doesn't wake up.

Not immediately at least.

Naruto is leaning over Itachi, planning on shaking by his shoulders again, when Itachi's eyes open. To his surprise, however, he quickly notices that Itachi hasn't fully woken up yet. Actually, Naruto is ready to bet that Itachi doesn't even see him – the man seems dazed and his eyes are somewhat glazed.

And incredibly dark and deep, he notices after gazing into them for a while. So deep that it wouldn't be difficult to get lost in them completely... and so close...

_Too close._

The thought pops up in his mind and disappears. He can't deny that there really is something awkward about the situation he involuntarily got himself into, but at the same time he doesn't do anything to wake Itachi up or to move away. There should be something that would feel wrong about it all – about his leaning over Itachi, resting his hands on Itachi's shoulders, and gazing into Itachi's eyes – but in fact it doesn't feel strange at all. Instead it feels rather unreal, as he can't really say how much time he's been standing like that.

Actually, his own thoughts should make that little alarm ring in his head go off, but they don't. Instead, they are rather chaotic, lacking coherency, and not necessarily filled with surprise and uneasiness which he should feel, but he doesn't.

What happens next is rather unexpected and even Naruto couldn't say how exactly it all has started. It all seems to be a chain of events, one of them leading to another like in some chain reaction. Is it Itachi's fault for moving quickly and trying to stand up? Or is it Naruto's fault for failing to move away, slipping and pulling Itachi down with him?

Whatever the exact reason is, some things can't be avoided and they both fall down, hitting the ground with quite a loud thud, Itachi on top of him.

The impact of the hit makes Naruto stop breathing for a few seconds. His back hurts, and when he tries to move, he can't as his body appears to be pinned to the floor by something... or someone's body. It takes him a while to realize that there was no accident here and that in fact Itachi reacted as if somebody had attacked him, so contrary to his initial assumption Itachi has not fully woken up yet.

Technically, it's not the first time he's ended up lying on the floor in such a position as in some crazy way the situation reminds him about the times when Itachi was teaching the basics of self-defence. However, years have passed since then and somehow he has managed to forget completely that Itachi, despite his slim posture, is rather strong; strong enough to immobilize him without any problems.

Well... the situation might seem similar, but at the same time it's different – it's never felt that strange and embarrassing before, he realizes.

His own reaction to the situation disturbs him. A wave of warmth washes through his body and his heart pounds hard in his chest. The sound of his heart pounding seems to be so loud that he would be surprised if Itachi didn't hear it. Naruto's emotions are strong yet contracting at the same time and even he wouldn't be able to say what exactly he feels. He's ready to bet, however, that if they were to stay in this position any longer, his cheeks would turn red completely. Finally, he finds the situation unbearable. What on earth is this Itachi thinking? Shouldn't he finally wake?

"Release me, you idiot!" he says through clenched teeth and squirms, trying to free himself, but Itachi's hands clench firmly on his wrists. "It's _me_!"

It's true that he might be overreacting a bit and his words needn't have sounded that harsh, but it all is to hide how uneasy he feels at the moment.

"Naruto...?"

A sigh of relief escapes Naruto. Finally after long seconds that seemed to be hours there is some reaction on Itachi's side. Only that... he doesn't release Naruto, but stares at him instead – surprise clearly noticeable in his eyes.

_As if he was the one that should be the most surprised here._

"Geez... Let go of me, Itachi," Naruto scowls at him. "You're too heavy."

Itachi's grip loosens and he moves. Frowning, he sits down on the ground, next to Naruto. His glance slides over the surroundings and after a while it rests on Naruto again. There is some strange look on Itachi's face, as if he found himself in a place in which he didn't expect to be.

"What happened?" Itachi asks. He raises his hand and rubs his forehead.

"That's my line!" Naruto, still lying, covers his eyes with his hand. How can Itachi behave so... calmly in a situation like this one? "I can understand that you have some nightmare, but geez... to attack me? What on earth got into you?"

"A nightmare... that's right," Itachi mutters, kind of ignoring most of what Naruto said and earning himself a glare in this way.

Finally Naruto decides to sit. He keeps watching Itachi from the corner of his eyes, but he can't read anything in Itachi's face. Absentmindedly he rubs the skin on his wrist. There is something about it all that stays far beyond his ability to understand.

"You scared me..." He has no intention to say it, but the words escape him before he can stop them. He stares at his own hands, not being able to look Itachi in the face. "For a short while... you know... it almost looked like you were about to drown."

It might be just his imagination, but it seems to him that Itachi flinches hearing these words. Naruto casts him a searching glance, but he still can't read anything in Itachi's face, so he assumes that he must have been seeing things after all.

Itachi doesn't say anything and Naruto hangs his head, not feeling like talking anymore. Heavy silence falls on the porch and for a longer while none of them tries to break it.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," Itachi finally whispers.

Naruto jerks his head and stares at Itachi, but Itachi doesn't look at him. He couldn't explain it, but for some reason it feels that whatever exactly Itachi is apologizing for, it not necessarily is related to Itachi having attacked him. Why do his words seem to have more than one meaning this time?

For a short while he eyes Itachi thoughtfully, saying nothing.

"No worries, I'm still alive." He rubs his forehead and smiles weakly. "But you... we'll have to leave soon in order to make sure you'll get to the airport on time, so if you want to take a shower or something, I suggest you do it now."

Itachi peers at him for a short while before he nods in the response. Slowly he stands up and heads toward the inside of the house. Naruto is glad that Itachi doesn't object. Why should he after all?

"Hey, Itachi... How often do you have these nightmares?" Naruto asks quietly all of sudden.

There is a short while of silence. It almost sounds as if Itachi hesitates to answer. He stops in the entrance door and turns his head slightly, casting Naruto a glance over his shoulder.

"It's the first time I've had such a nightmare," he finally answers and enters the house, leaving Naruto on the porch.

He watches Itachi leave and then he stares at the porch door for some time.

"A first time, you say?" Naruto mutters, smiling bitterly. "Then why do I think that you've happened to have some other nightmares before?"

All of sudden he feels a twinge of guilt, which he can't explain. He accused Itachi of not thinking about his feelings, but did he really think about how Itachi might have felt? Maybe in fact it's him, not Itachi, that understands nothing and keeps making mistakes.

He moves his eyes to his hands and winces, seeing the red marks that Itachi's fingers left on his wrists. He raises his hand, but almost immediately he lowers it, seeing how much it's shaking. It takes him a while to calm himself down.

Now that Itachi is gone, he can't stop thinking. There are too many things he can't understand and that make little sense. Take his own feelings for example. It all felt completely different when they last met, months ago, but during the time they didn't see each other something or everything changed.

He pulls his legs to his chest, wraps his arm around them and rests his chin on his knees. He couldn't explain why he thinks so, but it feels as if something is about to start and what's happening now is just a prelude to something bigger... something scary, dark and definitely not good.

"It feels like the calm before the storm."

He shudders when a cold gust of wind blows through the porch.

* * *

When he enters kitchen, Naruto is sitting by the window, looking through it, and holding a cup in his hand.

"The tea is on the table, and so are the sandwiches. Help yourself." Naruto says, still looking through the window.

Itachi eyes him searchingly. If not for what Naruto said just a while ago, he would think that Naruto didn't even notice that he entered the kitchen – he didn't move, didn't look in his side, but only was sitting there, gazing at something. At first he even thought that Naruto was lost in his thoughts. He couldn't be wrong more apparently.

Itachi moves his eyes to the kitchen. With some relief he realizes that it looks nothing like what he saw in his dream. It's neat and tidy, but not as insanely tidy as the kitchen from the nightmare, and seems much cosier.

He stops by the table. Like in that dream he puts his hand on its surface and let the hand slide across it. Unlike in his dream, however, the table top isn't cold.

"Who is Shisui?" Naruto asks all of sudden.

Itachi flinches. For the second time this day Naruto surprises him. It's almost if he could read his mind – first he mentions drowning and now Shisui. Itachi is grateful to some lucky star of his that he isn't holding anything in his hands. Dropping it would be rather a silly thing and something that would easily crush the illusion he tries to create – he doesn't want Naruto to know how uneasy he feels.

"Where did you hear that name?" ha asks, trying to make his words sound as casually as possible. He turns to Naruto and his eyes met with Naruto's – the Uzumaki must have been watching him for a while.

"You were talking in your sleep," Naruto explains briefly. He eyes Itachi speculatively.

Itachi flinches and his eyes widen slightly at this revelation, as such a thing has never happened to him before. He can't help but wonder what else he said.

"Shisui... is someone who died long time ago," he utters in the response.

Stabs of pain mix with twinges of guilt while he speaks and even to him it's surprising how painful it is to say that simple truth. Is it all because of that dream? He has no intention to continue the subject now and Naruto seems to sense it – he doesn't question him more.

"Uh... sorry," Naruto quickly mutters. He looks away and an embarrassed expression appears on his face. For a short while his fingers clutches on the cup.

He watches Naruto from the corner of his eyes, not being sure what to say. In the end he decides against saying anything. He goes to the table instead and pours himself a cup tea.

"Never mind, Naruto," he says after a short while, glancing at Naruto.

Naruto doesn't answer and keeps staring at the cup in his hands.

Itachi watches him for a short while before he focuses his eyes on his cup. He slides his finger across it, for a short while wondering what Naruto might be thinking about. Despite his apparent openness, Naruto can be really secretive at times, being as good at hiding his thoughts and emotions as Itachi is. They both are really skilled at, he has to admit it. Only their methods are different. A smile or a serious face – what works better, he wonders.

"We'll be leaving shortly," Naruto announces after a while.

Itachi only nods in the reply.

None of them decides to speak again and, slowly, the kitchen fills with heavy silence.

* * *

When they leave the house, Itachi casts it one more glance. The house is filled with silence and seems to have a part of that unreal atmosphere he remembers from his dream. But except for it all, there still is a part of that magic he felt when he first entered it. Despite himself he hopes that one day he'll be back to this house again.

Naruto still says nothing during the drive and for the first time in a long time Itachi finds himself bothered by the silence. He's not interested in observing what happens outside the car, but for some reason observing Naruto does not feel quite right, too. Still... it doesn't stop him from watching Naruto from the corner of his eyes.

Naruto's face is calm – not serious, but rather neutral. He focuses on driving and the road before him. His hands rest on the steering wheel, holding it firmly, but not too tightly. For a short while a reddish mark on the skin of his wrist can be seen and that view is the cause of a sharp twinge of guilt that Itachi feels. It doesn't really require much effort to realize in what way Naruto has got it.

Angrily, he stares at his own hands. No matter how hard he's tried, he's kept making mistakes. He didn't manage to save anyone in the past and he didn't manage to save anyone from suffering later. Quite the contrary – it seems that the only thing that he really is good at is adding even more suffering to people he cares about.

_At least there is not that many of them left. Less people to be hurt by my actions._

He smiles grimly. Now he has only Sasuke and Naruto and he'll have to figure out how to protect them both in the most effective way. It definitely should be something better than what he's tired to do so far, and the best way to keep them safe would be staying away from them.

Surprisingly, it all reminds him about the nightmare. He still feels that uneasiness caused by it, which he can't get rid of. There also is that feeling that something big and not quite good is about to happen. That bad dream seems to be a warning sign, something important, and he can't resist wondering if _that_ man is involved into Sasuke's accident. And what was the point of Shisui appearing in this dream?

He rubs his forehead, thinking. There are some other things that seem to make no sense and some contracting emotions he can't really understand, but which he plans to analyze later. After all he'll have plenty time to do that in the plane.

Slowly his thoughts turn to Sasuke. Once again he remembers what Naruto told him and tries to analyze it, looking for some clues. There is something about it all, something that still stays behind his ability to catch it, what makes him feel disturbed. It's as if there is something he should realize or understand, but despite his tries he can't. He focuses his mind completely on the problem, almost forgetting about the world around him.

* * *

"We're almost there." Naruto announces and casts Itachi a quick glance.

Itachi blinks like a person who is forcefully brought to reality from the world of their own thoughts. Judging by what Naruto had a chance to observe while driving, that's exactly what has just happened, as at some point of their journey Itachi got lost in his thoughts completely. Not that it really surprises him – knowing Itachi, Naruto could easily guess that he was thinking about something related to Sasuke and the accident.

For a short while Naruto feels guilty, realizing how little he has thought about Sasuke since he came across Itachi. Too little probably, as for some reason his thoughts seem to have been filled with the older of the brothers.

With some effort he focuses his mind on driving again. It's better to leave the whole thinking part for some better occasion, he decides. That's why he looks around, looking for some place where he could park the car.

Finally he finds one and, although it's far away from the terminal, he doesn't mind it that much as for a few more minutes it will postpone the inevitable parting with Itachi. Maybe in some other situation he wouldn't really care about how much time they would spend together, but not now. This time is different, as some quiet voice in his head whispers that Itachi won't come back.

"Here you are – safe and sound. And on time." He smiles at Itachi, trying to look cheerful despite the fact that a tight knot starts to form in his stomach.

Itachi smiles weakly in the response – his way of showing the appreciation – and says nothing. He grabs his bags and gets out of the car, followed by Naruto.

It takes them a few minutes before they finally enter the passenger terminal. The inside of the building is noisy and full of people and strange combinations of colours. For some reason, which definitely is unexplained to Naruto as he usually has no problem with that, it all gives him some unpleasant feeling – as if everything was moving around him and he still stood in one place, partially blinded by light and colours and not really noticed by anyone.

After having taken a few steps, Itachi stops in a place that seems calmer than the rest of that crazy building which the terminal is in his opinion. His glance slide over the hall and people gathered there before it finally rests on Naruto.

Naruto stops by him, his hands in his pockets, and smiles sadly. He doesn't really feel like smiling, but better this than showing Itachi a grim face.

"Seems it's time to bid the farewell, isn't it?" he finally says, glancing at Itachi. "Say Itachi... Do you plan to... come back here one day?"

He watches Itachi for a while, checking his reaction. Even to him the words sound strange as the way they were said could suggest that Naruto considers this place, this city, to be Itachi's home. He isn't sure if Itachi notices it, though, as for some reason he can't read anything in Itachi's face. The Uchiha has already been back to his "usual self" and this time even Naruto can't see through that emotionless mask of his.

Itachi eyes him in a way that seems to be rather speculative and Naruto looks away after a few seconds, for some reason feeling rather embarrassed. His cheeks get unexpectedly warm, and he curses it under his breath, hoping that it doesn't mean that his cheeks have just tinted with some interesting shade of pink. Seriously, the last thing he needs now is to start blushing like some silly girl asking a guy out.

"One day... I will." The answer finally comes.

Naruto stares at Itachi, not really sure if what he heard is his imagination or not, but Itachi seems to read in is mind.

"It's a promise, Naruto." For a short while Itachi's eyes shine with amusement which quickly disappears, replaced by something darker which Naruto can't identify. "It might take some time, but I'll be back. Keep an eye on Sasuke in the meantime, okay?"

He moves, taking a few steps, and when he's about to pass Naruto, his hand rests on Naruto shoulder for a few second – some unexpected gesture that feels almost like a pat. Naruto's eyes widen as it's the first time such a thing has happened.

"Take care, Naruto..." Itachi utters.

Naruto has the words stick in his throat. "Take care..." he finally whispers in the response.

He turns his head, trying to see Itachi's face, and he catches a glimpse of a barely noticeable smile that for a few seconds tugs at the corner of Itachi's mouth. It quickly disappears, however, and the Uchiha walks away.

Naruto keeps gazing at Itachi until he can't see him in the crowd anymore, and then he turns round, slowly heading toward the entrance. He's glad that no problem occurred and that despite his worries Itachi's visit will remain a secret, but at the same time he wouldn't mind if Itachi had stayed longer. Only that it wouldn't be the best idea, he realizes. A weary sigh escapes him as he rubs his forehead and then moves his hands a bit in order to massage the throbbing temples. He hopes that leaving the terminal will make him feel better.

He's just a few metres away from his car when his cell-phone rings.

At first, he tries to ignore it. It's his free day at work, so none of his co-workers should disturb him, and he doesn't suspect that Itachi is trying to call him now, as they've just parted. The phone, however, doesn't stop ringing. Wincing, he takes it out of his pocket and takes a look at its screen, checking who's been trying to dial.

He feels a tight knot of fear forming in his stomach when he sees the number.

* * *

TBC

**A/N: **The title says it all - believe in what you want :D Hopefully ItaNaru fans are satisfied with that little scene they got, huh? ^^ You've just got some more bits about Itachi's past and oh my... Could it be that I left you with another cliffhanger? :O

Also let me tell you that I've never been to any airport, so I had to use as reference what I could find on the net . Sorry if I messed up with something in that part.

I promise to do my best to update relatively soon, but first... there is the examination session at my uni - go figure what it means.


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